The real issue in conflict is never about things…

In my research on conflict as it relates to ethics, I came across the theory of psychologist Alfred Adler.
Adler’s theory on conflict is this. The real issue in all human conflict is never about things, but always about respect. As I studied this and reflect on it, the more sense it made. Take any “conflict” and deep down, respect is the issue.
Adler identifies nine issues of respect:
1. My right to decide is being weakened.
2. My right to control is being jeopardized.
3. My judgment and my ideas are not being considered here.
4. My prestige and my status are being questioned.
5. My feelings don’t count here.
6. I feel unfairly treated.
7. I feel defeated.
8. I feel powerless.
9. I feel inferior.
It is crucial that people get to the real issue in order to more peacefully resolve the conflict. It could be as simple as asking the right question, after a period of “calming down” as emotions can “muddle” the issue and process.
The question to ask to find the right issue is: What can we do to make sure that..
For example:
What can we do make sure that your right to decided is not being threatened?
What can we do to make sure that your right to control is not being jeopardized?
Then you decide if the response is acceptable, if so do it. If the answer is not acceptable for whatever rational reason, Say “I can understand why….but in my role, I can’t do this, but how about we agree to do …. Then you go back and forth until a compromise is met.
This is a simplification of the process but it just might give us deep insight to consider to include in our ethics training programming.

fbucaro

Like you, business ethics and ethical leadership expert, Frank Bucaro has seen the challenges and problems of corporate leadership, particularly over the past few years in regards to poor decision-making, SEC violations, and record breaking financial settlements in a number of different industries. With over two decades of executive training, speaking, writing and with real life experiences, his view and approach to ethics in the workplace is uniquely different. He emphasizes that ethics is a moment-to-moment choice and has little to do with position, titles, personalities or education. Ethics is everybody’s responsibility from the top down. His goal is to help organizations to: a. Strengthen their ethics training initiatives in order to significantly decrease the odds of an ethical/compliance violation. b. Energize, train and motivate employees to understand the value of consistent “high road” behavior as a business advantage. c. Support individuals and thereby the organization by contributing to its success by quality, ongoing values based leadership development. Frank is known for his very practical, slightly irreverent, yet somewhat humorous approach to ethics and leadership development. His conversational style and real life stories connect with his audience in a personal, intense and practical level. Companies such as Bayer Healthcare, BP, ReMax International, EnMax Energy, Danone, etc. have partnered with Frank when they want to proactively stress the message, tools, insights and practical applications that good ethics IS good for business!